Anxious

I am anxious. The dictionary defines Anxious as:

"Full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous"

I'm sitting here with my laptop, again, answering emails and feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing. This is not what I should be doing. I should be building something new. I should be doing something great.

It's hard to explain when I get like this. There are many times when I feel a tug to do something great. Something spectacular. I know I'm capable of it. If you have read any of my previous posts then you know I believe that we can do ANYTHING. The problem is that I don't know what it is that I want to do. Is this normal? Do we all feel like this from time to time? I question if I am just being lazy. Lacking focus. But, this stupid weight on my chest won't go away. It is like a longing. Sometimes when I get this way I just say to myself, "start". Like Nike says, just do it. But if you don't know what you want to do you can't begin to start.

I have no idea why I'm sharing this with everybody. I think most of you know me enough to be considered a friend. I have been asked by many friends, "dude, do you ever relax? Aren't you ever happy with what you've done already?" Of course I am. But how does that have any bearing on what I still want to do? I don't see the connection. So I am sharing my thoughts with you because I had to do SOMETHING, so I decided to write in my blog.

The biggest problem I have is translating the yearning into a mental picture of what I want to do. Everybody that reads my blog knows about my desire to write a book. I'm not doing so well on that quest. I keep reverting to what I know and love. Business. When people say to me, "You must be so happy working with your passion, motorcycles" I have to tell them that as much as I love motorcycles, I really love the business side more. I could be get as excited selling cupcakes. My biggest thrill with National Powersports has been building it from nothing.


Right now I know a couple people that are having a hard time with their business'. I can see some very clear reasons why they are not doing well. I know that these problems are fixable, but I am not in the position to offer my opinions. It makes me wonder how many other people are in this position that are using the "poor economy" as their reason for not doing well. The reality is that business' do well and fail in all economies. Its just that when the business environment gets tougher the basics have to be covered to succeed or thrive. If the basics are not there it is easy to blame the environment.

I would absolutely love help these people. I'm dying to get them motivated to succeed. I'm dying to map it all out for them. I'm dying to get them remember the passion they had when they started. I am dying to get my hands on their financials. Not for any other reason than to look at the puzzle and piece together a solution. Maybe it's easy for me because I'm on the outside looking in, but the idea of helping people turn their fortune around really excites me. I seem to have an easier time improving an existing idea than coming up with an original one. What would be better than keeping somebody from loosing their livelihood? That's heavy duty stuff!!

I haven't figured out a way to start with this process. Whenever somebody positions themselves as a "business consultant" I usually see a blowhard. Maybe my apprehension for people in this position is a result of my giant ego, I'm not sure. Maybe I should start down this road. Maybe this would help me write my book. Maybe I just got a new mental picture.

Maybe I should write in my blog more often. Thanks!!

Fat Ass

No, I'm not calling anybody names. For those of you not in the "Ultrarunning" world, a "Fat Ass" race event is a race where there are no entry fees, no awards and no whining. It typically entails a bunch of friends getting together and loosely holding a race. This weekend I attended the GAC (Gillys Athletic Club) Fat Ass 50k (31 miles) in Topsfield Mass. I only decided to do this race about 2 weeks ago because I have been feeling good and ready to race.

The last quarter of my running year didn't go so well. First, I dropped out of the Vermont 50 in September. That was my first DNF (did not finish) ever. I didn't let it bother me that much. The weather was miserable and I went out to fast. I quit 20 miles into the 50 mile race. I felt that I made the right decision. Then in October I pulled out early of my attempt to run across NH. Again, it didn't really bother me because I did it as a fun run with John and I went into it with the attitude that I would just run as far as I felt like running. During the run at about mile 50 my shin pumped up. It felt like a shin splint, but I never get shin splints. As the run wore on the pain got worse and started traveling up to my knee. I decided to quit at mile 65 because I didn't want to cause myself any injury. It was a little too late. I ended up having to reduce my weekly mileage from 70-75 to about 30 to heal it up.

Things were feeling better in about 3 weeks and I had already entered the Stone Cat 50 miler in November. Its a fun race that sells out so I didn't want to miss it. My shin had been feeling better and my first loop (12.5 miles or so) felt great. I was on 8 hour pace but I was working to hard. I was trying to run at an easy pace, but got a little bit caught up in the scene. Its easy to do. At mile 16 my shin started to hurt. But it was manageable so I decided to ignore it. By mile 20 I was having a mental battle between re injuring myself and calling myself a pussy. Its hard when your doing an endurance race to know when to quit and when to suck it up and wait until the pain passes. You really have to know what type of pain it is and make sure you are assessing it correctly. When I finished the second loop they give you the option of just doing the marathon distance. I took the option and tried to feel ok about it. Everybody told me that I was being smart, but I was beginning to doubt my mental strength.

I took about 3 weeks of active recovery (30-35 miles a week) and my shin pain has disappeared. My coach, Jack Pilla, ramped up my mileage to a manageable 50 or so for the last 3 weeks and I went into this race feeling great. My goal for this race was to just finish so I could get that monkey off my back.

The start

At the start of the race I was standing near the front of the pack when the organizer yelled 3, 2, 1, go! Crap!! I didn't want to be in the front. I didn't want to go out to fast. I just wanted to have a fun day. So, in 3rd place, I decided to just run slow and let everybody pass me. The weird thing is that almost nobody passed me. After about 1/2 a mile I looked back and realized that I was pulling away from the rest of the pack. Crap. What do they know that I don't? I knew that my heart rate was ok, and I really felt like I was running easy so I decided to just keep on going.

This race is a 6.2 mile loop. I had never seen the trail before but I was told that it only had one hill and it was a fairly easy loop. The one thing that was really tough was that at least 4 miles of the 6.2 mile loop was really soft snow. Like running in sugar. Cold sugar. I knew that this was going to suck the life out of most of us so I focused on my running efficiency and my heart rate (just by feel, I wasn't wearing a monitor). I finished the first loop in 59 minutes and felt like I was on a good pace. A few people passed me, and then I saw 2 of them stop after the first loop. I had forgot that at these events many people just show up to run one or two laps. Again, I hoped that I wasn't going out to fast.

Sugar snow

For the first time ever in a race I was listening to music. I wanted to just treat this race like a regular Sunday long run and the music was a great distraction. I tend to sing when I am running with music and this was no exception. I am sure that I must have looked like a lunatic belting out AC/DC's "The girls got rhythm" in the middle of the forest.

I finished the second loop in 65 minutes at 2:05 into the race. I had my cooler at the start finish and decided to use two gels per lap and was drinking a bottle of Gatorade every loop. My stops were no longer than a minute.

The next loop was still easy, but I was starting to feel the affects of the soft snow. There was a stretch about 1 mile long 2 miles from the end of the loop that was so soft and so tough. I was just taking baby steps trying to not extend too much energy. I finished the loop in another 65 minutes, 3 hours and 10 minutes into the race. I took 2 salt tabs, filled up my bottle, drank 1/2 a bottle of boost and headed out again. I started to notice a bit of fatigue, but I also realized that I felt great. This race was my type of race. I'm not that fast, but I'm pretty strong. The fast guys were using a lot of energy trying to run hard in the soft snow. I knew that they were going to burn themselves out. I was just trying to conserve energy and stay in my comfort zone. I noticed people slowing down and I also realized that I wasn't slowing down at all. I finished the fourth loop at 4 hours and 22 minutes. I realized my goal of 5 hours was out of reach, but still felt good about how I was doing. I also didn't realize how much the soft snow was slowing everybody. As was working on my last loop all I could think about was that I couldn't let myself feel tired. I plan on racing the Leadville 100 in August. It is one of the hardest races in America and I was thinking about how I would feel at mile 30 of that race and it might be how I currently felt. I pretended that I still had over 70 miles to go and that helped me just stay focused. I also made a mental promise to myself that if I dropped out of today's race for any reason that I didn't deserve to go to leadville.



As I crested the hill I realized that I only had less than 3 miles to go and I was going to finish strong. I passed two people on the last loop. I had no idea what number loop they were on, but I was going so strong in comparison I guessed that they were not on their final lap. It turns out that they were. I didn't care what place I was in. I only cared that I had got the monkey off my back and I had finished the race. When I came across the line I saw 5:29 on the clock. I had finished in less than 5 1/2 hours and I was happy. I thanked the volunteers for helping all day and then asked what place I finished in. I was super surprised to find out that the winner had crossed the line in 4:59 and I had finished fourth!

I dragged my cooler back to my car, where I couldn't wait to get out of my wet clothes. Unfortunately I was stuck in the back seat with my left quad locking up every time I tried to take off my socks and shoes. I drank a bunch of gatorade and made some calls until it stopped. I'm sure I looked like a moron clutching and rubbing my quad with my shorts half pulled down in the back seat. But then again, at these types of events that type of behavior is not that uncommon.

It was one of those days where I actually followed my plan, ran my own race, and was rewarded with a great finish. It is a great way to start off the year and I am psyched for more to come.

Momentum

I have no idea why we have this tradition of "New Years Resolutions". Why in Gods name would only contemplate what we want to achieve in our lives once a year? Every morning when we wake up we can decide to do the same thing. That being said, I am going to use this end of year time to finally write a new blog post. I can't believe that the last time I wrote was in August!

I might as well get it out of the way right now for any of you who read my blog regularly. I have not moved forward at all with the book. After the 30th blog post I took some time off and contemplated the entire experiment. I feel it was a success and I am proud of what I wrote. But, I discovered that what I want to write was not what most people were interested in. It seemed to me that when I wrote about my personal experiences with my father and my love of Amy and how those two combined to create my positive outlook on life people responded and were moved. When I tried to convey my thoughts about how I feel about certain aspects of life they didn't. I even say at the beginning of the blog that I don't want to write an autobiography. I don't think my life is any more exceptional than anybody Else's. Every one of us could write an autobiography that would be interesting. I still want to write a book that can help people realize that they can accomplish anything, but I want to figure out how I did it and then systemize it for others. For me, its not enough to just motivate.

In talks with my Mother about what I want to accomplish with the book she told me that I sounded an awful lot like Tony Robbins. I had never read anything of his and only knew who he was from seeing him on TV and his books at the store. I had never even opened one of his books to see what he was about. About two weeks ago I started to read "Awaken the Giant Within" and I am completely sucked into it. He has a LOT of the same outlooks on life as me. He even references how people sometimes have to go through tragic experiences to figure out what they want out of life. I wrote a blog post on almost the exact same thing 4 months ago. I had no idea! The cool thing about this book is that he has built a system and actions to help you become aware of and change how you think. I am only about 25% into it, but I can't help feel that this is the book that I wanted to write. It takes a little bit of wind out of my sails, but at least I have found something powerful to consider for my life. I bought another copy of the book for Amy and she is reading it too. Our intention is to have one night a week where we get together and discuss a chapter. Like a book club. This way we can both help and support each other. Were dedicating time to work ON our life not IN our life.

Amy and I were also talking a couple days ago about how the law of attraction is a hard thing to get your head around. It made me think about now many positive things are going on in my life and how being positive seems to bring more positive results. I realized that I have a huge amount of Momentum going. Another way of looking at this is that things are "snowballing" in a good way. This mental image really struck me. Think of how a snowball starts. One little chuck of snow is forced into more snow and that snow is attracted to the original. The bigger it gets the more force it has. It gets heavier and stickier. It is exactly like gravity. The bigger the mass the more gravity it has. This is very easy to see for a material thing, but I think it works exactly the same way for thoughts and actions. But here is the key. You have positive snowballs and negative snowballs. In both cases the bigger they are the harder they are to convert into the other type. The quicker you decide which type yours is the quicker you'll be able to either tear it down and destroy it (negative) or build it into a huge monster (positive). If you have a giant negative snowball you are going to have to really work on stopping it from rolling into anything bigger and then tearing it down. That also means that you are going to have to find a chunk to start rolling into your new positive snowball.

The only way to do this is to really start paying attention to your thoughts. It also means that you may have to start paying attention to who you are hanging out with too. Positive attracts positive. Negative attracts negative. You don't have to believe in the law of attraction to see that.

I can't wait for 2010. Actually, to be more accurate, I can't wait for tomorrow. Every day I wake up I am filled with excitement about what the day might bring. This year I'm going to tackle some big challenges. I want to open another store. I'm making some really neat changes within the company that will bring more value to our customers and set us apart from every other motorcycle shop. I am going to run the Leadville Colorado 100 mile foot race in addition to the Vermont 100. I'm going to run across the Grand Canyon. I'm going to spend more time with the kids and the family. I'm going to hire more people. I'm going to keep this snowball rolling.

And I am going to find inspiration in the people around me as well as do everything I can to inspire them back. Bye Bye 2009. Thanks for treating me so well.

Experiment Done!!!!

So here it is. Day 30. Thirty days ago I woke up and said to myself, "today I'm going to take some kind of action towards writing a book". Remembering how quickly National Powersports came together once I actually did something, I decided to commit to writing every single day for the next 30 days. I have read that forming a habit takes around 21 days of repetition. I figured that if I can write something every day for the next 30 days I would be on my way towards writing that book. I also know that I tend to get wrapped up in my life and needed some way to be held accountable.

I told Amy that I was going to do a public post to all my friends on facebook and ask them to read my blog and hold me accountable. Since I have never written on a regular basis it was pretty scary to put myself out there like that. I did not have a very clear idea for the book, but had a couple basic thoughts of what it might contain. At the heart of it all I wanted to write a book that would help people realize that they can get whatever they want out of life and hopefully my story would help inspire them to realize that. I also hoped that I would be able to come up with a type of system to go along with that idea.

I have discovered some interesting things in the last 30 days. I have realized that giving people inspirational ideas is not as powerful as explaining how that inspirational idea was actually put in place and used to change my life. I have realized that what I went through with my Dad is far from normal. And believe me, I did not come close to going into the real nitty gritty. I learned that many of us have a hard time as adults separating how our parents emotionally control our actions vs. becoming confident in the person we actually are.

I have also found inspiration in many of you. Many of you emailed me with emotional notes of your personal lives. I'm honored that you shared them with me. The best thing that I got out of writing this blog is seeing some of you using it as an catalyst to take action in your life. I've mentioned it before, but I'm terrified of going to the grave without contributing something to others. Seeing people improving their lives is incredibly satisfying. It makes me feel like I have purpose.

So, I have moved forward in some aspects, and not in others. This blog let me get some basic thoughts down about my history as well as ideas and principals I have used to change my life. I have not been able through this blog to develop any type of system that would make it clearer to others on how to do it themselves. I am actively working on that with Amy. We are meeting once a week and writing down what she wants and the action steps towards getting it. I am pretty sure that I will be able to look back on the process and it will help define a plan that will be a good part of the book.

So what happens now? Knowing that people were reading has done a great job keeping me from slacking on my writing. All day, every day, for the last month I have realized that there was no way that I could go to bed without writing here. It created pressure for me, but it was exactly the type of pressure I needed to take action.

I am going to continue to write every day for the next 30 days. It will not be here in my blog, as I am now going to start to organize my thoughts and go into much greater detail. I will post at least once a week about my progress with the book so everybody here can see how I am progressing.

The most interesting thought I had when starting this commitment was that I was going to actively show anybody who was interested how to take action and work towards a dream. With this blog and commitment I took step one. There are more steps needed. Today I started researching the Internet on how to write your first book and how to publish your first book. They are two very separate issues.

I have been overwhelmed at the show of support I have received. My family has taken time to write me poignant letters and tell me that they are proud of me. How awesome is that? People who I have not talked to for years have showed me support as if they were family members. People who I thought were acquaintances turned out to be friends. I am sure that some of you got sick of seeing "Day XX is up!!" on your facebook wall, but nobody ever complained to me.

Thank you so much. Please keep in touch with me about your progress. I'll do the same.

p.s. I'm not sure how much I'm going to use facebook in the future for updates. If you want to be updated with whats going on send me an email to nsanel@nationalpowersports.net with the subject "update me"

Pass.

Today is part 29 of a 30 day commitment. To read about how I am blogging to change my life please read here first.

So tonight is night 29. Only one more day left. I know that there are bunch of people reading and I made a promise to post every day. I have been sitting at my computer for the last 45 minutes.

I am in a bad mood. It doesn't matter why, I'd rather not get into it. That's just the point. I can't seem to get anything out of my mind that is not negative right now. I refuse to sit here and pour out negativity. I know that tomorrow I will see all the opportunities around me again. Maybe then I'll type the post that I wanted to. For tonight, I'm going to take a pass.

Thanks for your understanding.

Nate

Naysayers

Today is part 28 of a 30 day commitment. To read about how I am blogging to change my life please read here first.

As I have mentioned before, the idea of writing a book has been with me for quite a while. The last time I decided to investigate it I contacted a friend of mine who writes some of the "for Dummies" books. I met her through the eBay group that I talked about a couple of nights ago. She is dynamic and an incredible networker.

When I first emailed her and told her that I wanted to write a book she asked me what it was about. Thinking that I was being clever I simply emailed back "Turning $500 into $5 million. She then emailed back and said that doesn't tell her anything. What is it really about. I just went back and read the stream of emails from 4/1/2008 (Holy crap, a year and a half ago!!!). I sent her this response.

"My idea is to write an inspirational/business book about my story. From my severe frustration of being in the family business and the emotional torture I was put through. About going from not trusting what I knew to be correct when others told me I couldn't to trusing my instincts. About realizing that my lack of formal education wasn't a handicap, but a blessing. About the clarity that came from figuring out what I wanted with my life and incorporating it into everything that I do. About how that realization formed every aspect of my business and created something that was completely new in the industry. About how that continues to push 30-40% growth year after year in an industry that is down 35%. About how IN control of our lives we are once we decide to be.

I know that my story can be put into words in a way that can inspire people to follow their dreams and earn huge success at the same time. I started my business with $500. Last years sales were almost ($XXXXXXXXXXX)and we are up %40 so far this year. I also know that I am not an author and know that publishing a successful book is equally about the marketing as the content.

Is this arrogance on my part? Probably. Am I ok with that? Yes, if it truly inspires one person to get out of the hole that I was in and change their life.

She then emailed me back and told me that the story was NOT $500 to 5 million. It was about my story of hard work etc... She also said that if I was going to write a "Get Rich Quick" story then she wanted no part of it. She went into explaining that people like Donald Trump are ripping off poor fools and trying to convince them that they can be the next Donald Trump. She said that she would love to have sales like I do, but she never would. She told me not to expect to get rich writing books.

I was really taken back at her response. I can tell from the chain of emails that I didn't take it any further. From my point of view there is nothing wrong with somebody writing a book about getting rich. Thats not what my book is going to be about, but if somebody wants to spend $19.95 to be inspired to change their life that is not ripping somebody off.

Much of my success is due to two books. These books helped change the way I look at life. The first is the wildly succesful "Rich Dad Poor Dad". I read this book and knew that I had to follow my dream of owning my own business. It inspired me to finally take action. It was at least 5 years after reading that book that I started National Powersports. I bought most of the books in his series as well as his "cashflow" game. All and all I probably spent $350-$400 with that francaise. That book and those products produced millions of dollars for me. Not a bad investment!! I think they got the bad end of the stick. The other book was "The E-Myth Revisited."

This book got me to think of my business systematically as well as helped me define the core thing that I wanted in my life. I spent about $600 with this company between their emyth mastery program and the book. Again, I think they ended up on the wrong end of the deal.

The worst part of the exchange with my author friend is that I let it derail me. I started to think that I was not on the right track. I had the wind taken out of my sails and I went back to working IN my life not ON my life. When I sat down to write this post I looked up the emails in my inbox and was blown away to see that almost a year and a half has already passed.

There are only two days left in my commitment to write in my blog dialy. I think that I have made remarkable progress in getting my many thoughts out and putting them on "paper". The really great thing is the feedback that I have recieved. You guys and gals have helped a ton. Thank you!

I am going to try to lay out a plan of action for me in the last two posts.

Time off

Today is part 27 of a 30 day commitment. To read about how I am blogging to change my life please read here first.

Tonight I am sitting in a hotel in Maine. I decided last minute to take the week off and spend it with the family. The kids go back to school next week and I realized all of a sudden that we didn't go away like we always do.

We had a wonderful day today, although we got a late start. There was a point this morning that I seriously thought about cancelling leaving. It would have been really easy to just stay at the shop and help. I think those type of deciding moments are what we are going to look back on later in life. I have talked with a lot of "successful" business people and if they are older the almost always give the advice of not overlooking your family. A lot of them tell me that they wish that they didn't work so many hours and had spent more time with their families.

Nobody wants to end up having a life like the Cat Stevens song "Cats in the cradle". On the other hand, I always feel guilty for not working enough. Amy laughs when I say this, but I see other business owners working so much harder than me. My thought is that I will be truly successful when I don't have to be at my business anymore. On that day it will mean that I have put such a great team in place that they know exactly what to do. It will mean that I have put all the processes and procedures in place that they all know what is expected of their position.

I certainly am not there yet. I have an incredible crew, but I still need to work on having everything perfectly defined. It is way harder than it sounds. It is a great goal to work towards though.

For tonight I am going to be content knowing that I wasn't at work today and they did a great job. I have now finished my commitment to write in my blog, even though I'm away. And now...I'm going to spend a little more time with my awesome family.

Have a great night.